An Explanation

Well, I disappeared for a long time but this time, I have a reasonable excuse. You remember, I mentioned that I was at CTYI? If not, well, I did. That took up a fair amount of my time and left me emotionally drained. My final year and I was forced to leave two days early. -sigh- There's a long, long story behind that but, basically, due to my horrible habit of trying to take other peoples problems onto myself to stop them from hurting, I often ignore my own problems and this time I guess I over did it and burned out a little. And boy were there problems this year...

Also, anyone that remembers my little panic about my relationship last April is unlikely to be surprised to hear that I am now single. The two of us decided that we weren't really suited to each other and it would be best if we went our separate ways. I was less torn up by this them I expected and it dawned on me that that was probably because when I said 'We're two separate people on two separate paths' I was right. Thankfully, things weren't weird between us when I got back.

We won't talk about the minor boo-boo I made by falling for a guy who has problems coming out his ears and is also one of my best friends. I think I patched that up as best I could. We'll see how things go.

I also accidentally sent a text meant for a friend to my ex, stating that I still had feelings for him. I took the standard route and decided to pretend it never happened. That's actually going great. Denial is the best approach to avoid embarrassing conversations. xD

Sometimes I wonder why I bother posting these, since no one reads them but I suppose it's a good way to work out my anger/sadness/etc without resorting to fire and a jail sentence.

An Indepth Exam Of Life, People and Where We're Going Wrong

I swear, if we all die and it turns out that our 'grand deity' is really the Flying Spaghetti Monster or that all the Wiccans were right, I will laugh until I die a second time. Because I am sick and tired of these extremist Christians being treated better then all other extremists. I could sit here and call them names until the cows come home but, to bring it right back to the basics, the undeniable truth, they are xenophobes.

"What this is coming down to is who runs the country. It's us against them. It's the good guys versus the bad guys. It's the God-fearing people against the pagans, and some of the pagans are going to church." - Randall Terry, published in the New Sentinel, August 16th 1993.

I was born that year and it is words like these that make me ashamed. Ashamed to have been born into such a society, almost ashamed to be human. But, for all our flaws, we, as a species, are learning. We are learning acceptance, we are learning peace. Admittedly, it is slow going but we are still learning. It is people like Mr. Terry who are forcing this process to drag out.

I am not asking anyone to renounce their beliefs, goodness no. But, I am asking people to open their minds. I ask them, not to change their thoughts on issues such as homosexuality and abortion but to grow as people and understand that there are people out there who feel differently then they do. No one is essentially right or wrong.

On topics such as religion, how can we ever know what is right until we have passed on and learn? A lot of you will say 'Faith' and I agree. The issue is that some people become so commited to their faith that they refuse to entertain the idea that other people have a different faith, believe in a different path to the same destination.

Even as I type, the tone of my writing changes. That is because I started out angry but have gradually calmed and thought through what I am saying. I remembered what I stand for, which is freedom and the right to be who you are without fear of recrimination. I learned that anger is not the way to face these things. Anger solves nothing, it merely creates more anger. There are examples of this all around us and yet we refuse to see them. Why? Because they are ugly reminders that we are not perfect, that, even though we have placed ourselves at the top of the food chain, we are not as at peace with ourselves and others as we would like to believe.

I'm going to finish there as a combination of energy drinks and t.v have distracted me from my original point. I may continue this post later on. For now, please, let me know what you think.

I'm not Your boyfriend - Not Your Blood Elf

I'm not your boyfriend, baby, [I'm not your blood elf baby]
I ain't your cute little sex toy, [I ain't your cannibal troll]
I'm not your lion or your tiger, [I'm not your orc or your tauren]
Won't be your nasty little boy, [won't be your nasty little gnome]
I'm not your boyfriend, baby, [I'm not your warlock, baby]
I can't grant your every wish, [I can't grant your every DoT]
I'm not your knight in shining armor, [I'm not your dwarf in shining armor]
So, I just leave you with this kiss [So, I just leave you with this sting]

You can catch me on the speedtrain, [You can catch me on the slowboat]
Beeper in a three-way, [Running in the dungeon]
Shinin' with the gleam chain, [Shinin' in gleamin chain]
And your honey givin' me brain, [And your guild givin' me loot]
You can catch me watchin' AI, [You can catch me watchin' TC]
Mello it's game time, [Horde, it's game time]
Pinkie with the same shine, [Weapon with the same shine]
Pitbull and a canine [Core Hound and a canine]

You know I rep' this shit, [You know I pwn this shit]
I gots it tatted on my skin, [I gots it showin in my achieve]
If you fuckin' with my city,
Then you fuckin' with my kin,
You know I rep' this shit, [You know I pwn this shit]
I got my hands up on your chest, [I got my arrows in your chest]
Motherfuckers best believe it, [Hordies best believe it]
That you're fuckin' with the best That you're fuckin with a beast!]

I'm not your boyfriend, baby, [I'm not your blood elf baby]
I ain't your cute little sex toy, { I ain't your cute little gnome]
I'm not your lion or your tiger, [I'm not your pally or your druid]
Nah, nah, won't be your nasty little boy, [Nah, nah, won't be your nasty undead]
Whoo, I'm not your boyfriend, baby, [Whoo, I'm not your Night Elf baby]
Yeah, I can't grant your every wish, Yeah, I can't grant your every heal]
Yeah, I'm not your knight in shining armor, [Yeah, I'm not your Rogue in shining armor]
So, I just leave you with this kiss [ So, I just leave you with this Sting]

Kill the lights, [Kill the priest]
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks, [These players learn from Immolation traps, fast dings, fast mounts and cheap armor]
It feels right, [It feels right]
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright, [All these asphyxiated, self-medicated, take the right pot, you'll feel alright]
Kill the lights, [Kill the priest]
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks,[These players learn from Immolation traps, fast dings, fast mounts and cheap armor]
It feels right, [It feels right]
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated-- [All these asphyxiated, self-medicated--]

You can catch me on the speedtrain,
Beeper in a three-way,
Shinin' with the gleam chain,
And your honey givin' me brain,
You can catch me watchin' AI,
Mello It's game time,
Pinkie with the same shine,
Deep poetic canine

You know I rep' this shit,
I gots it tatted on my skin,
And if you fuckin' with my city,
Then you fuckin' with my kin,
You know I rep' this shit,
I got my hands up on your chest,
Motherfuckers best believe it,
That you fuckin' with the best

Kill the lights,
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks,
It feels right,
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the whi--
Kill the lights,
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks,
It feels right,
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright,
Kill the lights,
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks,
It feels right,
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright,
Kill the lights,
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks,
It feels right,
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright

Russian Roulette - Raid Roulette

Yeah, I'm now treating this as a place to save stuff i'm working on coz, hey, no one reads it.



[Verse 1:]
Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps [If you roll, you roll for keeps]
Take the gun, and count to three [Take the mouse and count to three]
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

[Chorus:]
And you can see my heart, beating [And you can see my hand, shaking]
You can see it through my chest [You can see it through the screen]
Said I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
I know that I must pass this test [I know that I must win this loot]
So just pull the trigger (trigger x4) [So just pull a ninja]

[Verse 2:]
Say a prayer, to yourself
He says close your eyes,
Sometimes it helps
And then I get, a scary thought
That he’s here, means he’s never lost

[Chorus:]
And you can see my heart, beating
Oh you can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

[Verse 3:]
As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I, ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late to pick up the value of my life

[Chorus:]
And you can see my heart, beating
Oh oh you can see it through my chest
Said I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
And you can see my heart, beating
Oh you can see it through my chest
I I I’m terrified but I’m not leaving (no, no)
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

C~T~Y~I

CTYI - Centre For Talented Youth Ireland A.K.A Nerd Camp. Where you do a collage level course for three weeks.

Woo! So far, the first week is epic! It may only be Tuesday but Comp. Apps. is totally awesome. Shame about the rain and I'm dreading heading back to the dorms with the downpour outside at the moment but still - Epic to the max! I hear we're starting on Java tomorrow!

Immortality

Having finished reading Interview With A Vampire by Anne Rice, I have come to the conclusion that immortality might be one of the most depressing and horrific things that could ever be inflicted upon someone. To live forever would be to see the world rise and fall so many times that your will to continue would surely be squashed. No, not even that, it would be set alight, trod on, ground into the earth and then kicked a few times for good measure. But, I can't write a long piece on how depressing it is, like I wanted to, because Frank Sinatra is too soothing to listen to and rant at the same time.

~I've got you under my skin, I've got you deep in the heart of me. ...~

I kinda forgot again

That's right, I am the frickin queen of forgetting about this thing. 'Kay, maybe not the queen but smehkaleen (Used by an awesome fanfic author who I can't remember the name of in an epic Mauraders era fic. Yes, I'm borrowing it. It's too awesome a phrase to not do so.) Anyways, apparently I'm now suspended indefinitely until a staff meeting is held and I may not be back at Youthreach until September, if ever. Well, here's a clue you prick, HURRY THE FUCK UP AND TELL ME! 'Cos if you're not taking me back, I need to know so I can get a fucking job you asshat! Sweet Gawdess above and below me...Have you guessed that I despise my boss yet? He had the cheek to call me a liar before I was. Well listen up AH, I've been called a liar since I was four, so technically you could have been the straw to break the camels back on that one. You know, you hear something enough times...

Yes, that was an allusion to the reason I was suspended and rekindled my love affair with online roleplay (Not that kind you perverts). However, my lips are sealed since I'm fairly sure I be doing won't be doing that again. Self-righteous prick. He then claims that it 'shows a lack of respect towards him'. I LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU WHEN YOU BASICALLY CALLED ME AND MY FRIEND A PAIR OF DELUSIONAL LIARS, YOU MUD CRAWLING, NARCISSISTIC, PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT ON MY SHOE!

-cough- I don't have anger issues, what would make you think that? I probably could do with a few therapy sessions, sure, but that's what this blog is for. The name says it all people, the name says it all. Fuckin' counsellors and their 'confidentiality'. I've seen parrots with a better grasp of the confidentiality clause than my first school counsellor. 'Ooh, everything you say is confidential'. THEN WHY THE FUCK DID MY PRINCIPAL REPEAT IT BACK TO ME TWO DAYS LATER, YOU LYING WHORE?! Fuck the system, it's broken anyways. Come back to me when people keep their word and anyone over the age of ten and under the age of twenty isn't considered a thieving, lying brat automatically and when adults have removed their heads from their asses and admitted that they aren't right about everything. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Not again...

Well, looks like I'm in for another day of soul-crushing boredom. I've slept about two hours in the last two days 'cos I just got the Sims 3. EPIC! Not quite what I imagined but it's too good to complain about. Laurie's after getting sick so I'm stuck here alone and I'm feelin' seriously out of place. At this point, I'm really just floating, smoking like a frackin' machine. Gotta stop drinkin' so much energy drink, it's starting to make me really frickin' gassy. I know, I know, TMI right? Well, deal with it. I'm bored, gassy and unbelieveably tired. I don't even know what I'm saying at this point. Toodles, you flying purple bunnies, you!

Bored, bored BOOOOREEEDDD!!!

Well, I was right. I spent the entire day colouring except for about five minutes where I edited one of my fanfics (Look for Labradoodles and Muffins on fanfiction.net) and posted it. I'm so bored I could cry like a five year old girl who just found a dead pony in her closet. This is really just here to give me a way of killing a couple of minutes but I type so frackin fast that it's more like one minute. Well shizzles. *Sigh* I'm off to play games for the next half an hour. Well, that and try to avoid death via utter boredom.

Ooops...

Well, I may have forgotten this was here. *Cough* My bad.

Well, so far, I've typed briefly then spent about an hour and a half colouring in. I feel like I'm four again. FUN! Not...This is going to end up the same as last Thursday. Can't complain though, it's this or actual work. Thank God for weddings, that's all I'm saying. Yeah, bored now. Gonna go play Legends of Zork.

Touching On A Touchy Subject

First of all: WE MUST SACRIFICE BIEBER TO APPEASE THE VOLCANO GODS! -ahem- Read the tagline on the top if you don't like it people. I make my insanity well known.

Today's topic: Religion

Now, I don't normally talk about this kind of thing but I feel like making my opinion known.
There are a lot of people out there that call me all sorts of names. Heathen, freak and, when I made a brief foray into the world of Wicca, witch. None of this phases me in the slightest, especially since the people that are shouting these names after me are usually people that I wouldn't give the time of day. However, I'm well aware of people being attacked because their religion doesn't fit in with the so-called 'norm' of the area in which they live. Bullshit. Just because say, I happen to focus my belief on a number of Goddesses associated with various elements and more and your belief focuses on one God does Not give you the right to scorn me in the halls.

Today, I'm going to pay attention to Christianity and the church as it's the only religion that I have enough knowledge on to feel right forming a decisive opinion about.

Now, I'd like to make it clear that I have no qualms about people believing what they want to. I'd like you to show me the same courtesy as this is an opinion not a statement of fact.

Earlier I mentioned dipping a toe into the sea of Wicca. A lot of you may condem me for that. I suggest those of you leave now to avoid further offence.

I'm going to assume the rest of you reading are of the more opened minded breed or nosy gits who ignored my warning.

I believe in God, let's get that clear from the start. I definately believe in A God anyways. The gender and/or forms of that God is still up in the air. What I don't believe in is the church and the human element. I feel that the church has warped the teachings of the bible beyond recognition. They change it to suit them and, should someone point this out, the main excuse is 'Oh, it was translated from Hebrew and no one's really sure about what it's actually supposed to say, we're just getting closer to the original meaning' or something along those lines. Mmmhmm, and I shit rainbows.

TBC

Mindless Rambles of A Bored Teenager

I really need a new hobby....

So...anyone like Naruto? Ooh, or Ouran High School Host Club?!

Yeah, this is gonna be just a long bit of rambling.

Yay! Laurie's joining!

Just finished listening to Laurie give a Presentation on the Maori Culture, man was she shittin' kittens! xD

w00t almost 17! -happy dance-

Laurie's section.


so 3 days after Sarah stoled my

Some Self Promoting and The Beginning of an Era

Well, first some shameless self promoting: Look for Labradoodles and Muffins on fanfiction.net. For my older stuff look for Shinzoo-Kisu although I'm planning to gradually brng everything over to the one account.

Now then: A nice rant to make me feel better. Todays topic: Break Ups and why you never want to be friends with someone who's going through one. (Names will be changed)

First, let me make it clear, in case those i'm ranting about read this, I'm not complaining about being there for them or being their friend. I'm complaining about Fate, Love and all that crap.

Right, my friend John has been going out with Mary for about....fourteen weeks so what, three and a half months? Yeah, that sounds about right. Now, he's fallen completely head over heels in love with her and she's done the same. Sound cute so far? Yeah, keep dreaming.

Last week, John and Mary were talking and John got a sentance mixed up. What he meant to say was 'I told X I would when I was single'. What he actually said was 'I told X I would IF I was single.' Now, that's a big ass faux pas and had a deservedly angry response. Especially since he didn't notice he'd mixed things up. However, Mary maybe dragged it out a bit more than she should have and I got to deal with a depressed John all through work on Tuesday.

Wednesday, missed work due to my mother finally getting back from England - Damn volcano - and Thursday, everything is all good and well in lover land.

Friday however....Well, John did something a little silly and, once again, Mary blew it all out of proportion. She had every right to be angry but to such an extent just seems like she's a drama queen. They hovered between staying together and breaking up all day. John had a minor breakdown in the train station and ranted about tomatoes for half an hour. I'm unsure whether to laugh or edge away. By the end of Friday, all's well once more.

By now, I'm predicting bad things for my own relationship and spiral into a depressive funk. I remain like that all weekend and, I'm fairly sure, end up worrying my guy when I begin questioning why people are willing to keep living happily once they've seen how shite life really is.

Saturday, once again, all is good. Sunday I get a late night message from John asking me to show up to work early because Mary has actually aid the words 'John I'm dumping you.' I'm considering sobbing hysterically at this point but he's a good friend so I agree. Instead of doing the sensible thing and going to bed early, I stay up until gone two setting up this blog. So, the only thing left to do is see how tomorrow, er, today goes. Motherf***ing brilliant I bet [/endsarcasm]

New Beginnings

Hello anyone bothering to read this!

This blog is purely set up to provide me with a free place to vent because suicide is cowardly and selfish and because I trust counsellors about as far as I could throw The Rock. :) Yes, one did screw me over. Here's a friendly warning about them: If they say 'everything is confidential', expect to hear your principal repeat wha you said about two days later.

Also, apologies if my spelling has gone down the drain, the keyboard i'll be ding most of my ranting with is kinda sticky.